August 19, 2018
My friendships have always meant a lot to me, even more than romantic relationships. I would go above and beyond for my friends, bend over backwards for them, and I would even deliver the moon and stars to their front door if I could. I have just recently learned to love myself more than I love my friends, and with that have come losses. I’ve lost friends because I decided I would no longer break my back to please people that didn’t do the same for me. The people pleaser in me died and so did my appeal. Suddenly, I was no longer saying yes to things I didn’t want to actually do. I was no longer accepting disrespect or shade in order to avoid making things awkward. Suddenly, I was making new friends by myself. Suddenly, I was forming my own opinions about things rather than clinging on to what my friends thought. Suddenly, we clashed, we disagreed, and finally, we grew apart. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned this year is that most friends come and go and that’s okay. You don’t have room for everyone. Only a select few will stay. Just like romantic relationships, anything forced is not meant to be. Let. Them. Go. It doesn’t have to be ugly, y’all don’t have to hate each other. You can keep up with them from the sidelines and continue to show love from afar.
What’s important to remember is that everyone experiences growth on their time, not yours. I’m at a stage in my life where I’m constantly growing and learning and observing and absorbing. Not everyone I used to be cool with has gotten to that point and it’s not my responsibility to wait for them to get there.
Now, on another note, there’s a difference between friends that need to grow up and toxic friends. I used to be that toxic friend. It took me years to accept this as a fact but it’s true. I used to be that hot mess of a friend. The one that partied, and I mean PARTIED, four days out of the week and would have a massive breakdown because her grades sucked. I was that friend who almost got my roommates and I kicked out of the house we were renting. I was that friend that never took the good advice I was given. I was that friend that had to learn the hard way and it affected my best friends at the time. I think a lot of the time we think our problems are solely our own and that they don’t affect other people and that’s just not true. Energy transfers. I carried negative energy with me like a purse, it was always on my shoulder. Eventually my friends at the time walked away, as they should have. I was so hurt then but I get it now. They were focused, I wasn’t. They were happy, I wasn’t. They were ambitious, I wasn’t. Who wants friends that aren’t mentally on the same level as you? They tried being there for me but I wasn’t there for myself. I want to say thank you to those ex-friends for being as patient as they could with me. Thank you for cheering me on from a distance (I see you!). And thank you for walking out of my life, because it helped me find myself.
The Life Therapist